This blog will self-destruct in five seconds

Nope, I haven't finished with the DangerMasons characters yet! But interestingly, there have been a number of new developments:

• Dangerous Tom has suggested that we develop a site especially for DangerMasons stories.
• Denham has indicated he would be willing to create a comic based on the exploits of the DangerMasons.

Stay tuned for the latest developments, only at www.blowingupspace.blogspot.com!

But anyway, on with the show!

Allies of the DangerMasons SRT

Alison Woodward as Ali the Night Rider

Known throughout Adelaide more for her unruly hair than anything else, Ali is secretly a key ally of the DangerMasons Special Response Team. By day, she is a laid-back ex-student, living up the perpetual state of holidaying. By night, she reconnoitres the streets and parks atop her trusty steed, Che, reporting back to DangerMasons HQ and her brother, Chief Danger.
A handy shot with a bow, she is one of the SRT's most trusted informants.

Kelly Keyte as Aquila

Named after the famed eagle, Aquila is one of the most enigmatic of all Adelaideans. For obvious reasons, her ability to fly, her snake and her jodphurs are not often seen in public; usually, she haunts the Adelaide UniBar. Though not aware that her friends Bodie and Tom are actually DangerMasons, she has, in the past, actively provided assistance to the SRT. Eccentric? Maybe. Peculiar? Probably. Dangerous? Yes.

Patrick Coleman as Pat Mysterio Jr.

Hiding in the folds of his cloak, Pat Mysterio remains an unknown quantity in the world of the DangerMasons. In fact, the stories of Mysterio's exploits as a master thief, and those of his code-breaking monkey, are so fantastic that some have doubted Dangermaker's sanity when he claimed he had encountered him. Nonetheless, his calling card (a stylised picture of a code monkey) has been left in numerous locations, notably the UniBar, which indicates that Pat Mysterio Jr. does indeed exist, although as to his true identity, nobody knows...
Whether he is an ally, an enemy or neutral is currently open to debate. Dangermaker would swear by him, though; on more than one occasion, the SRT operative has credited Mysterio with saving his life and his pants.

Amelia Birve as Zorro the Devil
(With special thanks to Kelly Keyte for the character design)

Rumour has it that Zorro is in tune with the dark arts; some have even gone so far to say that, with her deadly shin-kick, she is Satan herself. Armed with a wide range of stabbing utensils, Zorro is a knifesmith extraordinaire. The DangerMasons haven't had much need to involve her in their affairs, however they know that, when they need daggers, be it made of cold steel or a piercing glare, Zorro is the devil they know.
When not weaving her fatal magic, Zorro is a keen artist.

Stephanie Osborn as The Dominatrix
(With special thanks to Kelly Keyte for the character design)

The true identity of the Dominatrix, like that of Pat Mysterio Jr, remains a complete mystery. Once, university student Tate attempted to determine her real name; he ended up in hospital with third-degree whiplash and a warning never to attempt it again. Very dangerous with her whip, she has been only rarely seen of late, which has led some to assume that she has hung up her knee-high leather boots for the last time as a crimefighter. However, Chief Danger and Dangermaker both believe her to be an incorruptible friend, and believe that, one day, the crack of the whip will be heard once again down Hindley Street...

Ron van Ryswyk as Requiem

Athletic and courageous, at least where diving across short distances is concerned, Requiem is as deadly with his fists as he is with his sword. In fact, he values his weapons purely as symbolic; as he claims, "Faith is my shield, discipline is my sword."
He always wears gloves as a throw-back to his soccer days, and indeed he is still covered with scars from the sport. His skills as a goalkeeper must have been very impressive; he once saved Chief Danger from a bullet by diving into its path and parrying it away with his sword. He is also rarely seen these days, and since it is exam time, speculation is mounting that he may give up the game altogether in favour of study. The DangerMasons hope not...

Phil Rzetelski as Paratrooper

With the ability to fly into danger zones almost as quickly as the SRT members themselves, Paratrooper has received training in the deadly arts from the Australian and British SAS, the German GSG9, the American Delta Force and SEALs, the Russian Spetznaz, the Polish GROM, the French GIGN, the Indonesian Kopassus and the Mercedes First XI soccer team. He is currently furthering his training as a psycholigical warfare specialist, and his presense in the field is sorely missed. His standard arsenal consists of a Russian-made machine gun and grenade launcher, and a personalised Glock pistol that fires miniature rockets. If there is one thing the DangerMasons' enemies have discovered, it is this: don't mess with Phil...

Emma Thompson as Scary Em

A champion swimmer and diver, Scary Em developed her reputation by petrifying any dangerous foes she came up against. How, we don't know. Maybe she flew into a rage when they called her "cute" (note: do not ever call Em "cute").
She's as cunning as a fox. Fittingly, therefore, her companion is a fox named Maggie, which accompanies on her adventures far and wide.

Juan Legaspi as Ferdy Marcos

A suave diplomat, Marcos dreams of one day becoming dictator of his homeland, the Philippines. Despite his evil intentions once in power, he is nonetheless a firm friend of the DangerMasons, owing to his firm loyalty and sense of duty to his acquaintances.
When not planning his despotic return to Manila, he races on the Adelaide Amateur Motor Racing Circuit, plays rugby alongside George Gregan, and practices his swordplay and pool. On the side, he operates a gigantic economic consortium, Soup Number Five Limited, through which the DangerMasons gain most of their currency.

Updating danger...now!

Here's some more of the intrepid characters involved in keeping things dangerously great! ...and also the more unsavoury lot...

Allies of the DangerMasons

Jacob Davey as Funzo The Court Jester

Always the source of a laugh or two, The Jester is an important ally of the DangerMasons. Most importantly, he's usually there to tell the Special Response Team that "THERE'S NO TIME!!"
Funzo once played an integral role in one of the DangerMasons' greatest successes. Realising that innocent bystander CJ was about to become embroiled in a terrifying situation involving Grug, Funzo conspired with Chief Danger; together, they collaborated their pool skills, and Grug was vanquished.

Courtney Jameson as CJ

CJ entered the DangerMasons' community quite unexpectedly, as mentioned above. However' the role that Chief Danger and Funzo both played in saving CJ from the lecherous advances of Grug have remained top secret until recently, when CJ was informed by Dangermaker of the selfless and courageous actions of his comrades. Thereafter, CJ has become a great ally of the DangerMasons, performing in tandem with her sister, Arwen Undomiel.
A dog-lover at heart, CJ spends some time at Bodie Mansion, the secret headquarters of the DangerMasons, in order to tend to Dangermaker's dog, Rufus. She hopes for a dog of her own soon.

Enemies of the DangerMasons

Bill from the UniBar as Grug

Grug has become a sworn enemy of the DangerMasons for a number of reasons. First of all, he harbours a hatred for Captain Jason (probably penis envy, but Dangermaker neither knows nor wants to know). Secondly, the DangerMasons thwarted his scheme involving CJ. From here on in, Grug and the DangerMasons are implacable foes.
Unfortunately, Grug is handicapped by his lack of intelligence and his reliance on cigarettes. His favourite activities involve smoking, hitting on girls who seriously aren't interested, and bashing two bricks together.

Quagmire as Quagmire

As yet, the DangerMasons have had neither the opportunity nor the reason to operate against Quagmire, but he is by far their most feared foe.
Once, he was human. However, his uncanny resemblance to Quagmire from Family Guy led him to experiment in cybernetics in order to remedy this. There was an accident, which fused huge amounts of biomechanical technology to his body. Now half-man, half-machine, Quagmire is rumoured to terrorise pubs across Adelaide by obliterating all pool-playing opposition, and then setting fire to the vanquished players. So far, though, he remains elusive, but the DangerMasons are always on the look-out, awaiting the dreaded day when they may have to face him...

Danger, Will Robinson!

It's a cold, dark and wet night in the City of Adelaide. But as you sit in front of your television, watching the footy, following CSI: Miami or throwing an empty can of beer at Gretel on Big Brother, you are unaware of the life and death struggle pervading the good streets and districts of your home town. For evil lurks around every corner, alleyway and pool table. And when you are in danger, there's only one group you can turn to...

THE DANGERMASONS
starring (in order of appearance):

The DangerMasons Special Response Team

Dangerous Tom Woodward as Chief Danger

The leader of the elite DangerMasons Special Response Team, Chief Danger knows no fear, just danger. The senior of the two SRT operatives and their allies, Chief Danger is nonetheless a force to be reckoned with. His fighting staff doubles as a pool cue, and items in his arsenal include explodable eight-balls, pizza that makes its consumer spontaneously combust, and a device known as the Yatta Inhibitor: a pocket watch-style screen which broadcasts the hypnotic Yatta video, thus rendering his opponents comatose.

Bodie Ashton as Dangermaker

Drafted into the DangerMasons from his previous post as Assistant Advisor to the Minister of the Absurd, Dangermaker is most adept at setting things alight. Want to burn down the Santos Building? Then Dangermaker is your man! Moreover, he has the physical presense and turning circle of an aircraft carrier. His specialty weapon is an umbrella, within which is hidden a sword. The lack of originality in this design does not bother him in the least.
Dangermaker's constant companion is Rufus, his guard dog, whom he saved from an evil security company that was heavily involved with organised crime. This made Dangermaker a marked man; in order to disguise his identity, he wears a blue and white bandana across his forehead.

Other DangerMasons SRT Allies

Jason O'Conal as Captain Jason

Captain Jason is a computer genius, able to take a brand-new PC apart and put it back together, blindfolded, in a world-record time of 3.105 seconds. Jason designed the extensive DangerMasons database, filled with all known dangerous experiences around the world. Although he denies it, Jason himself controls the Internet. His latest invention is a knuckle-mounted minicomputer, which can take control of any computerised system he comes up against.
When not assisting the DangerMasons, Captain Jason commands a starship deep in the Beta Quadrant...

Lauren Jameson as Arwen Undomiel

Not to be confused with the Lord of the Rings character of the same name, Arwen is one of the DangerMasons' most powerful allies. Trained in the art of gunslinging by her equally dangerous boyfriend, Dylan, she is a crack shot with her two revolvers, and almost as good with Chief Danger's pool cue as Chief Danger himself.
Arwen constantly wears a pendant of blue topaz around her neck to ward off evil. At the same time, she invites danger, wherever it may lurk. Naturally, therefore, she turns to the DangerMasons as her comrades-in-arms.

The Enemies of the DangerMasons

Allan the Pseudo Pool Guy as Psuede

The SRT's most frequent nemesis, Psuede is doggedly persistant in his annoyingness. Some feel his maliciousness stems from a time when his pants were forfeit at the UniBar. Others believe it may be a psychological complex, created when he realised no one liked him. Tall and vaguely effeminate, Psuede is equipped with an arm-mounted jet engine, which he uses to blast copious amounts of hot air at people. He also sports Wolverine-style blades. Whether these are effective or just lame is anyone's guess.

ManWoman as ManWoman

An entity of indeterminate gender and species, ManWoman is often seen dressed like a builder. Its grudge against the DangerMasons began in early 2005, when DangerMasons accociate Illmo refused to remove his pants. Thereafter, it has conducted a war of nerves against the Masons and their allies and acquaintances. By far the most vicious of their enemies to date, ManWoman is doubly armed: a knife as an expression of its psychopathic feminine side, and a gun to represent its masculinity.

To Be Continued...

Gute Glück

Just a quick note:

Good luck to everyone who has exams.

More bang for your buck

We-he-ll, looks like it's time for me to update my blog.

Friday was an awesomely cool day. This was for a number of reasons:
-Courtney came to visit the Mansion for a little while, which was fun.
-I got my German exam result back: 77% (distinction) for a second-year course! The paper that was underneath mine got 32%, Frauke said that the average was 63%, and that since I am a first-year student doing a difficult second-year course, I should consider my mark and add 10% to it, which she says is a fair indication of how I would have fared were I actually a second-year student. Someone is pleased with themselves...
-I now have all the information I need to impersonate Jeff and get my Foxtel back, after the twat made it so that it was suspended after June 14. Thank you, Lorraine, for making sure that I can cheat the system in a suave, sophisticated manner...
-Pool with Dangerous Tom, Denley and Angus was gooooood.
-Ali came to visit the Mansion for a short time, too.
-Indoor soccer involved a strong 8-1 win, which was very good, especially considering we were minus star keeper Ron van Ryswyk, whose nose has exploded or something. Raf filled in for our injured Olli Kahn wannabe, and did a damn fine job. Highlight of the match: remember that tosser Dave, the tall one in the Manchester United shirt who dives at every opportunity? He went down again, and it was quite clearly a dive this time; I was still about 2 metres away when he started to fall. It didn't pay off too well for him, though...his head met a rather boney part of my hip, and though my hip hurts like the blazes, he went off with a nice big bump on his forehead. Later, he said that if I went into a tackle "with my elbow" again, he'd "rip your balls off". Evidently, he needs an anatomy lesson regarding the location of one's hip as opposed to one's elbow, but this clearly all points to the fact that he just wants to get near another guy's groin...hilarious. More so if he tries. Then he'll be dealing with a bit more than just a bump and a bruise, methinks...
-Running over Raf while playing Halo is fun fun fun.

It came to my attention a while back that Stephanie is considering shutting down The Show-off Must Go On, which would be a dire tragedy. Show-off is just too cool to be consigned to the Davey Jones' Locker of the Internet. Steph, please, reconsider!!

I am quite tired, and bed sounds good. Look lively, people!

Poultry linguistics = difficult

What is it with Yahoo! Pool that it attracts strange Americans who want to start a fight with you at every opportunity?
Recently, I was playing pool, and I was aiming solely at upping my rating. My rating is currently something like 1,250, and I was challenged by someone with a rating of 1,678. I *might* have taken them on, but at the time I was challenging someone with a rating of 1,300 and I didn't want to play two games at once with people of higher ratings than I. So, I declined the challenge of 1,678, who from now on I shall (with incredible originality) name "Yank".

Yank: chicken mo.....lol

Yank: chicken mo

Me: wow…hilarious. Who writes your material?

Yank: your moms sisters kid

Me: the biting wit is killing me

Yank: the bitch with the lite brown eyes

Me: and who the hell spells it “mom” anyway? Ah…you must be a Yank.

Yank: and then

Yank: you must be one of those funny talking people

Me: Oh, you mean the ones who can speak and use English according to the way it should be spoken and used?

Me: yep, that’s me.

Yank: and lookin too

Me: Wow, I reiterate that you’re bloody hilarious; you should be a stand-up comedian

Yank: and then their is you

Me: I believe you mean “there”, and that’s a pretty obvious statement. Of course there is me.

Yank: you tea drinkin strange talking smelly…you know thats what we call yu

Me: I think you’re thinking I’m English…and tea is a good drink. How is “tea drinkin” in any way a payout?

Yank: if your not American I shit on you.

Me: how very American of you.

Yank: and theirs you.

Yank: I have to go. I eat chicken not talk it

In this, I suppose I have one thing in common with friend Yank. I imagine it would be quite difficult to converse with any form of poultry. I propose we conduct an investigation: the Applied Pragmatic Poultry Languages Experiment (APPLE), so named so we can get sponsorship, to the tune of some brand-new iPods. Who is better at talking to hens? Kentuckians? Glaswegians? Holsteiners? Sydneysiders? Cantonese? Only time will tell...

Faster than you can say "Krakatoa"

Hey everyone!
Today was fairly uneventful. Highlights: Courtney stayed till about 2, Kelly handed up her Politics and History essays (yay for Kel!), Ali, JAmes, Kel and I visited Ye Olde Sweet Shoppe, and my cousin Kelly is staying over tonight.
Lowlight: Foxtel is no longer working. Why, I don't know. Probably Jeff forgot to pay subscription. Dickhead. Hopefully it will all be operational as of tomorrow, when Juan and Raf want to come round to watch rugby. I'll see if I can get free-to-air television working on the big screen in the meantime.

Leave your troubles outside. In here, life is beautiful. The girls are beautiful. Even the orchestra is beautiful.

...and note to Emma T: no, I didn't say "trek on". =p

Results of many kinds

On Friday night the Blue Devils once again took to the field at the indoor soccer warehouse...I mean, stadium...in Stepney, and once again we were triumphant. The final score was 10-1, which belies the fact that it was actually a very hard-fought game. We were without star striker Patrick "Ruud van Nistelrooy" Coleman, so instead, Sarah, Stevo and Polish import Angus Main provided the goals. The game was, however, marred by a few incidents:

1. Captain Bodie Ashton was injured in the first quarter, and was pretty bloody average for the second half.
2. Dynamo midfielder Andrew Stevenson was sent off for an encounter with an opposition defender.
3. Stalwart defender Raphael Jose had his groin rearranged by a boot.

Even so, as of last Friday, the Blue Devils are top of the league, with 28 points (nearest rival being Chewy Onya Boot, with 25), and a goal aggregate of 226.94%.

The result of Jess's surprise 17th birthday party was...well, surprising. We lamed it up. It was sensational in its lameness, and lame in its sensationalism. Cheers Caitlin for cleaning out my fridge. The "Deli Fresh Salad" that Jeff left in there was at that stage about 4 months out of date, and I think "deli fresh" was very much wishful thinking...

Results from the most recently completed Blowing Up Space Poll:
Who in the media would you like to see much, much less of?
1. Kylie Minogue
2. Schapelle Corby
3. Any and all AFL footballers
A new and somewhat less original poll now exists at the bottom of the page.

And finally, good luck to Kelly on getting her work done!! You can do it, Kel!!

STOP PRESS!!

Denham is wearing pants!
Stay tuned...

Start running

Okay, I know I haven't posted since Sunday, but I really haven't had the time.
Essay work has been taking up a lot of it. History is about halfway done. German exam tomorrow. Eep.

Culinary delight at Bodie Mansion: tonight for dinner, I had vanilla ice cream with chocolate Ice Magic. It satisfies all of the food groups, I assure you...

Special thanks to Stephanie; I've been listening to Magic Carpet Ride for hours. A great compilation. And yes, before you tell me as well, I do know that Jet O'Rourke went to Mercedes...

I've recently been watching seaQuest DSV, a very much underrated sci-fi show from the early half of the '90s, about the submarine seaQuest DSV 4600, under the command of Captain Nathan Hale Bridger (Roy Schneider). One of Schneider's supporting characters has the name Brody. Does anyone else see the significance...?
So I shall leave you with a few pics from this series.

The boat herself: seaQuest. Conventional torpedoes, silium-nuclear missiles, interceptor missiles, anti-submarine lasers...and yet she looks strangely like someone just worked out how to do 3D shapes on 3DS Max or something...

seaQuest belongs to an organisation called UEO: United Earth Oceans. How odd. I didn't realise oceans were countries...

Dr Wendy Smith, Chief Medical Officer of the seaQuest. Yes, it has been a comprehensive policy among the world navies for hundreds of years that all attractive female crewmembers must pose for photos in the water, while showing off as much of their breasts as possible. You didn't think it a completely different matter that more young men join the Royal Australian Navy than any other ADF service, did you?

"Ladies and gentlemen: Mister...Martin...L...GOOOOOOOOOOORE!"

Am currently listening to Depeche Mode: One Night In Paris, which is such an awesome live concert. Dave and Martin just did Enjoy the Silence, which is BRILLIANT! (hence the title of this post)

Results from the second Blowing Up Space Poll are in!
What is the worst thing about Bodie Mansion?
1. Bed head in the master bedroom
2. Columns in the ensuite/the neighbours
Cheers to everyone who voted, the new poll is up now!

News from Bodie Mansion

Well, hello everyone. I've only posted the esteemed Blowing Up Space Awards recently, so I thought I might update you on what's been going on.

At the moment I have four essays I need to write: a Social Sciences paper about consumerism of 2,500 words, an International Politics essay focussing on the First World War (2,800 words), a History paper about the failure of Marxism to catch on in the 19th Century (2,000 words, I think...), and a German paper about East Germany (1,500 words). Politics and SocSci are due on Thursday, while History is due Friday and German is due a week or so later. I've finished SocSci (more or less), I'm about halfway through Politics, and I haven't even started History or German. Additionally, I have a German assignment due on Tuesday, and a German exam on Thursday. Oh, the joy and hilarity...

I haven't spoken with Lotte since she left here last Friday. Lotte, if you're reading this, give me a call. E-mail me. Message me. Tag the board. Something. It's like you've dropped off the face of the Earth, and that's not like you, Miss Moonshine. Also, how's the job going? Are you wanting to come back here to stay for a while?

Last night, we played indoor soccer. We won 14-0, and while I can't remember who scored what, I think almost all of us got in among the scoring, and I scored 2, which I was pleased about. By the end of the game, I was dead on my feet, possibly due to the fact that I haven't been sleeping well at all. Nonetheless, everyone came back to my place afterwards.
We had tortillas, which were much much better than the ordered pizzas from last time. Once again, I am floored by the generosity of my friends: Jo and Patrick did the original washing up, Raf went and got everything we needed, Caitlin and Juan chopped vegetables, Jo and Ron helped with the cooking of the meat, and Raf and Jo did the washing up afterwards. Jo and I showed off our (terrible) driving skills on Midtown Madness 3, and everyone left by about 2am.

Lastly, I want to extend my very best wishes to Kelly and Stephanie, both of whom are presently very ill. I sincerely hope the two of you start feeling better, and I'll see you soon...

More Blowing Up Space Awards

A few more awards cropped up today...

The Random Fun Award For Random Fun-ness

He's known the world over as Jacobob or Funzo, so really, Jacob Davey was the favourite for this award, and here's a few other reasons why:

1. He has his own Random Fun Dance
2. His pool game is erratic at best
3. He has his own verb: to jacobobulate

The Dangerously Dangerous Dangermaking Explosion Award

Again, there wasn't much of a contest here. Tom Woodward had this one in the bag long before he dangerously exploded Washington, DC. KABOOM!

The Pool-Playing Ninja Award

...and yet again, no contest at all. Michael Jenkins doesn't need katana blades; he'll just carve you up with his pool cue as if you were a block of Chum. Recently, he of the kenJins variety turned 20, and proved that he's just as formidable when he's drunk a skinful of Scotch. The ninjas of old did their jobs while drunk on sake, I believe. Woooo, spooky coincidence...

The Boris Karloff Memorial Prize for Scariness

Now, some may be surprised by the winner here. Stephanie Osborn was in the running, with her Swamp Thing impersonation in the pool. Jo Ferguson was in the running...I'm not saying she's a bad driver at all, I'm just saying that the last time Ali drove with her, her fingernails had to be surgically removed from the upholstery. Dangerous Tom was in the running, because anyone that dangerous is also very scary. Jeff Lane was in the running because of the bed-head he had commissioned at the Bodie Mansion. But eventually, the award had to go to none other than Emma Thompson. Why, you may ask? Well, EmT has made it her life mission to scare the bejesus out of Patrick Coleman, and has succeeded on several occasions. Congratulations, Em.

And that's all for tonight, I reckon.

The Blowing Up Space Awards

These twice-yearly awards were created on the night of 31 May 2005 by Bodie Ashton himself, because he couldn't think of something better to post. This should not detract from the prestige of receiving one of these prestigiously prestigious awards, though. Think of the prestige...

So here goes...

The Raging Bull Award for Lifetime Achievement in the Field of Anger

I think it's no surprise here to say that Ron van Ryswyk quite easily grabbed this award by the horns. Anyone who's seen him play soccer knows that faith is his shield, discipline is his sword, and yelling his way of showing how pissed off he's getting.

The Mr Teabags Plaque for Outstanding Recital of Monty Python Sketches

Suprisingly, there was competition for this one. Bodie Ashton and Andrew Stevenson could come up with some of the great Python moments, but in the end, they were mere shadows compared to the towering mastery of Stephanie Osborn, who could quite possibly out-dead parrot John Cleese himself. ..it's not particularly silly, is it?

The Michael Jackson Award for Extensive Tolerance of Age

I mean, really. Who else was it going to go to? We all know that Raf Jose has some...erm...tender preferences. Just as long as he gets that child lock thing on the Nissan Bluebird fixed...(edit: Sorry, Raf! Couldn't help it!)

The Michael Jackson Award for the Love of Primates

Again, no contest, really. Raf is really picking off these awards faster than his ex can pick nits out of his hair. (edit: um...ditto, Raf!)

The Michael Jackson Award for Questionable Gender

Well, MJ certainly is featuring highly in the awards this time around. Also featuring strongly is Raf Jose...but this time around, despite his claims of metrosexuality and the peculiar claim that his brain is mostly female, it seems that Raf can actually decide, after all, that he is certainly male. Besides, the forerunner for this award was always going to win: ManWoman of the UniBar, take a bow! Now get the hell away from me!

The Phil From Grinspoon Award for Input Towards the Music Industry

Well, we couldn't have just one winner this month. There's a tie at the top, and from two sisters, as well. Jojo and Sally Ferguson take out this award because Sal promotes music whenever she can, regardless of whether you want to listen or not, and Jo almost rid the world of one more misguided Destiny's Child fan on the night of their concert in Adelaide, care of her automobile. Kudos to you both!

The Potato

Now this was doggedly hard to decide. On the one hand, we have Tate O'Connor, who is the original Potato the Chip. On the other hand, we have Amelia Birve (aka Zorro), who insists that, when she is sick, she morphs into a potato. On yet another hand, assuming you're Humma Kavula from HitchHiker's Guide, we have Emma Thompson, who is now obsessed with eating potatoes. In the end, though, the original is always the best, and for that reason, the chip wins it.

The Noriega Award for Narcotic Awareness

I don't even need to explain this. Ladies and gentlemen, the irrepressible Jamie Victor Illman!

The Evil Dictator Award

Juan Legaspi was always going to win this one. A Filipino who now hold dominion over the internet thanks to the advent of The Couch Casbah, he bears a striking resemblance to Ferdinand Marcos. Congratulations, Juan! Now, go and buy Caitlin some shoes...

The Keanu Reeves Award for Unjustified Superiority Complex

Poor old Keanu. The poor boy really does think he can act, and he tries his heart out, and for that he reckons he's great. But we all know differently. Just like we do whenever Bill from USC challenges us to pool at the UniBar. Bill, mate...get the message. Piss off.

The Complete Tool Award

This is the one that will cause the most hullaballoo (either that, or the use of the word "hullaballoo" will). Could Bill take out his second award? How about Dickhead Des from next door to the Bodie Mansion? Or Drunk Guy from New Years? In the end, however, for his supreme spannerness, we could only pick Allan the Pseudo Pool Guy. And yeah, he really sucks because he got this award...

The Chillin' With Chit Chat Award

Now, it is true that Jojo, Steph and Bodie all met Chit Chat von Loopin Stab from Machine Gun Fellatio, and it is true that both Jojo and Steph were in a photo with him, and it's also true that both Bodie and Steph got Chit Chat to sign stuff for them. But Steph gets this, because, after all, Chit Chat wants more...

And that's it for now, friends! Till next time!