Psychic budgie predicts home loan interest rates!

Ah, the Clipsal 500 is upon us again, which means Adelaide has been overrun by, as Ben Folds would put it, "the bogans at the motor race" (no, JAmes, not the Motor Ace, ergo not so cool). Among the usual deadbeats screaming "Holden!" or "Foooooord!" at the top of their lungs, other characters seen recently include:

• LookAtMyBoobs Girl: She's just not happy until you take a long hard look at her breasts. Usually wears a singlet top or one of those Supre-type ones, with the motto "Fuck me before I'm famous". Usually talking (very loudly) to friend about how smashed she got last night, and the guys she turned down at the bar.
• Nacho Nacho Man: Mexican. Wears yellow. Very smelly. Evidently they haven't heard of Rexona in Guadalajara.
• Height Critiquer: Says "Hey Shorty" in sleazy voice whenever not-so-tall girl walks past. Would probably take offence if said girl then turned around and said "Hey Fat-Arsed No-Hoper" in reply. Even though it's true.

A few pics I snapped recently:

Ahh, Engrish is alive and well, even in Adelaide. I assume it's supposed to be Danchoo's Dream Store, but anyhoo, inside his Sotre is a bear who likes apple and thus balances one on his head. Also, "just for you", a pink pineapple/pear hybrid saying "Hi"...and the ominous warning that the Sotre is preying for us. Watch your backs...

Hehe, Picard's Method. I knew Jean-Luc was clever, but I always assumed he only created manoeuvres, particularly ones involving tugging on the bottom of his uniform jacket. But a mathematical method too! The mind boggles.

JAmes' chicken schnitzel, with chips, salad, gravy...and an egg. Apparently great to eat, not so great to keep down afterwards...

Telemarketers hate me now. I've been giving the old lie of "I'll get back to you later" to all the recent ones, just so they'll shut up. Now they're calling back later, wondering why I didn't phone them!
So, for further excuses as to why this is the case, I've come up with:

• My house caught fire and so did I.
• My phone doesn't allow me to ring telemarketers.
• The number I was given was wrong, but I'm just heading out the door now, so if you'd like me to get back to you...
• The Borg.

Message to JAmes and everyone: it's official. The Arctic Monkeys are AWESOME.

French History in one easy lesson

Yep, French history is easy. I've mapped it. It's as follows:

Revolution--> Republic--> Napoleon--> Defeat--> Monarchy--> Napoleon--> Defeat--> Monarchy--> Republic--> Napoleon III--> Defeat--> Republic--> Semi-victory--> Defeat--> Republic--> Decline--> Republic

Pat believes I should have more "defeats" in there. But I'm being kind...

Here are some pics I like:

JAmes: fearless. This could so be a poster.


Boss: A very very cool yacht, in a tan-and-burgundy Docklands Harbour.


It's Kelly! And she's GREEEEEEEEN!


Aah, a sight that strikes fear in the heart of Pat, maybe. Redcoats, marching off to war. Or the bottom of Sovereign Hill. Whatever.


At the airport. The mood seems strangely grey. Except for me!

This scary website turned up over the election weekend. Why we care about Peter Lewis' life on webcam is beyond me, but just listen to the campaign rap song, it's cringeworthy!
Apparently:

• Peter Lewis goes click click click.
• He also carries a big stick.
• He brought the Murray back, presumably it was lost or on holiday.
• He's "fighting for the honour of the parliamentary shroud".
• He keeps kids safe.

I got the idea of a Peter Lewis superhero. Sort of, PeterTron...


Quack.

Bobulator

Well, moving from the splendour of the 200th post to post number 201, today I found myself at a park in Fisher Street, celebrating Jacob's 19th birthday! Happy returns to Jacob, I hope he enjoyed the day.

Soooo, at 12.45 or so, Kelly and Tate turned up at my door and we went to the park, where we found Illmo, Jacob, Stevo, Thuc, Chris, Justin, Shaun, Simon, Denley, Caitlin, Juan, Angus, Sarah, Ali, Mia, Raf, Ron and So-lou. We started off playing cricket, which was hilarious.
Jacob passed me the ball and told me to bowl, which is something I've not done since Year 7, and then very badly indeed. Chris was facing my bowling, and I assured Jacob and Illmo how poor a bowler I was, before putting it plumb on middle stump. It was the luckiest ball ever, absolute unadulterated fortune. Sorry, Chris!
So then I batted for a while, only to be run out after scoring about 15.

We played soccer, caps versus non-caps, which was fun, helped to no small degree by Stevo being on my team =P
After this, Simon, Tate and I created table tennis. But not normal table tennis. Let me demonstrate...

Basically, it's tennis played over a table, and you must bounce it ONCE on the table. It's surprisingly difficult, but after the first ever tournament, the rankings are as follows:

WORLD TABLE TENNIS CHAMPIONSHIP
COCA-COLA UNLEY INTERNATIONAL OPEN
World #1: Tate
#2: Simon
#3: Stevo
#4: Denley
#5: Bodie
#6: Amelia

A magnificent effort on behalf of all players, to be sure.

To tennis of a different kind, and Dangerous Tom has invented EXTREME TENNIS. Unfortunately, since Tom is dangerous in the extreme, no one has been able to match the extremity of it, so Tom is by default the world #1. But take a look at World #1 Tom Woodward, in his extreme gear:

"YARRRR!"

Other sports were decided too. I made a killing in poker until Simon joined, but still finished healthily, and gave my chips to Tate (hehe, chips to the Chip =P). So I technically ended as the second-best poker player.
Bocce was very fun, and Denley ended up the Champion of the Universe.
Hehe, at one point, Tate knocked one of my bocce balls far away from the jack, and the following exchange took place:
Tate: "I am the champion of the world!"
Tom: "You are the hero of bocce!"
Bodie: "You're a dick!!"

Jacob steamed a good ham/did a good BBQ. And then we all went home.

Thanks muchly to Kelly for driving me round, to Raf and Stevo for buying drinks, and to Jacob for throwing a mighty fine bash!

Hitting a double century

Well, I promised there would be news for the 200th post, and there is indeed. First, to the world:

The biggest news at the moment is that Slobodan Milosevic, the former Serbian leader, dubbed the "Butcher of the Balkans" by the western media, is dead. He was found dead in his cell yesterday, after protracted heart problems.
Milosevic was on trial at the International Court of Justice at The Hague, Holland, on charges of war crimes and crimes against humanity, specifically:

• Genocide, relating to the Srebrenica Massacre during the Bosnian War.
• Crimes against humanity, relating to wars and human rights abuses in Bosnia, Croatia and Kosovo.
• Severe breaches of the Geneva Convention, relating to Bosnia and Croatia.
• Violations of the Rules of War, relating to Bosnia, Croatia and Kosovo.

(Left: Slobodan Milosevic: ex-Serbian president and war criminal. Right: Kosovan massacre.)

But, of course, there is now the customary bout of "murder!" and "conspiracy!" cries from among Milosevic's diehard and brain-dead supporters:

"Milosevic was very ill while leaders of the New World Order wanted the former Serbian president to disappear because they were involved in the trial they couldn't get out of," the doctor, Vukasin Andric, was quoted as telling Kurir.

The same doctor told the Vecernji Novosti newspaper that "Milosevic was a nightmare for the tribunal".

"They wanted to kill him at any price in the awareness that with his death, they would hide the real truth," Andric said according Novosti, Serbia's largest circulation daily with more than 200,000 readers.

"Along with Milosevic, all the truths important for the Serbian people which he had kept for the end of the trial died."

[source: ninemsn]

Milosevic's lawyer also claimed that Milosevic "feared he was being poisoned" on the orders of the ICJ. This is surely countered by the fact that the tribunal has ordered a full autopsy and toxicological examination of the dead former dictator. Regardless of how he died, however, this brings to a close a dark chapter of world history. The Srebrenica Massacre, in particular, reinforced that we hadn't learnt that much from the Second World War. Now, with Milosevic dead, maybe we will...

Today marks the second anniversary of the Madrid train bombings. Keep that in mind.

There's been a Sudoku World Championship! And an accountant from the Czech Republic won! So all of you who do The Advertiser Sudoku puzzle and think you're pretty good...keep trying...

NOW, there is news for this blog. First of all, you will note that the tagboard has again been removed, for technical reasons. Those technical reasons are that people don't seem to be able to use it responsibly, so we're going back to Kindergarten and teaching said people that if you can't use something correctly, the privilege gets taken away. Blame those idiots with the mental age of 2 year olds.

Second of all, the commemorative 200 post banner is up! Yes, I made a commemerative 200 post banner. Mostly because I wanted a new banner, but also because I was bored.

Finally, there *may* be a new blog in the works. Stay tuned.

Ooh, post 199

Okay, what the hell is it with these shoes?

Yep. They're apparently called "Crocs Caymans", but if that isn't a euphemism for "crap", I don't know what is. They are, according to David Jones, "latest season fashion footwear", which would astonish me, if not for the fact that so many people are wearing them! They are ugly beyond compare, and should be, at the most painful stretch of the imagination, worn only while gardening, if at all. It seems Crocs have decided to market them with a bazillion colours, but surely having a "butter" or "sage"-coloured shoe like this does not alter the fact that it is bloody ugly! Overheard: "They're great standing shoes!" What a great way to market a shoe: "You can stand in them! WHOA!"
Yuck...


Having heard great things about Arctic Monkeys, I decided to buy their first single, I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor. So far, I've come to the following conclusions:

1. The lead singer sounds somewhat reminiscent of Pete Doherty, which is a mark in his favour.
2. They're billed as "The new Streets", which is not necessarily a good things. But the lyrics are reasonably clever in a rough-around-the-edges way.
3. The title track is inferior to its B-side, Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts, which I can describe as a Libertines-type tune with Streets lyrics.
4. Best line so far: "I know you thought she were different/And you thought she were nice/But she's not nice/She's pretty fuckin' far from nice..." Hehehe...

So I'm interested in what the album is like, even if I'm not currently one of the legions of Arctic Monkeys converts...



At Writers' Week today, I had two books signed by American author John Berendt. I really do suggest people read The City of Falling Angels; it's a factual account (with embellishment) of his time living in Venice since 1996. He makes the point that most things written about Venice are not about the real Venice per se, but rather about foreigners passing through. So he set out to capture the famous city in its reality, and does a masterful job of it. Berendt himself is actually a very modest and very nice guy, and I wonder what he'll take on next...

Stay tuned for important news in post 200!

Dienstag, den 7. März, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to JAmes!!! He of the capital A is now a year older than he was, which was probably 18 and is now probably 19. How KOOL. Live it up, JAmes!

Well, being the insomniac that I sometimes am, last night I watched Inspector Rex instead of sleeping. Big mistake. Richard Moser got shot and killed! =( It was very sad indeed, Moser was awesome and everyone liked him.
Not yet Germaned out, I then watched the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Starship Mine...in German. It's funny to hear Patrick Stewart dubbed in another language.
"Er ist nicht tot."
"Bald wird er tot sein. Die Baryon-Sweep kommt schnell; wir haben zu wenig Zeit, wieder zurück zu gehen!"
Hehehe, good one, Captain Picard.

Today I met my manic History tutor, who insists that we must always remain happy in tutes, even if we're suicidal, because she couldn't care less about anything else happening besides the tute. Also, she's obsessed with Channel 31.
On the other hand, my German tutor is Dirk, and he is very cool. The entire tute was taken up with talking about newspapers, and how The Advertiser is utterly awful.
"Hier in Adelaide haben wir keine andere Wahl. Das ist wahnsinnig!" So true, so true.

No Coke today (shock horror!) but plenty of coffee, and a cheesecake! We also met HannahFromFrance today, so named because she is not from France at all. Simon spilt mayonaisse on the bottom of his shirt, which stained questionably, and then he lamented how 14 year olds "have their tits hanging out", in a thoroughly unSimon moment.

Some others planned to go and see a film tonight (some others being Jacob, Tate, Denley, So-lou, Shaun and Simon), but I really didn't feel like it, so with coffee in hand I caught the bus home.

NEW IDEA FOR A NOVEL! Glee.

Horese, horese everywhere!

Just some random things:

-For those of you interested, Writers' Week began today down at the Path Of Remembrance. Authors from around the world deliver talks and forums for the rest of the week, as well as signing books; today, renowned Scottish crime novellist Val McDermid was there, and she signed my copies of The Grave Tattoo and A Place of Execution. Anyone interested in reading, writing or listening to some seriously interesting people should definitely attend. Entry is free, and most talks go for approximately one hour.

-What the hell is a "yonk"? We've all used the phrase "I haven't seen you in yonks", but what, quantitatively, is a yonk? Pat suggests that there is not a singular yonk, but rather yonks is a singular plural, kind of like opera is singular, yet it is a plural of opus. But this still does not answer the question. So, anyone with any idea how long "yonks", or a singular "yonk", is, please let me know.

-Murderers are a lunatic bunch. By definition they'd have to be. But the most loony of them all would have to be that one in the US, who killed people because God told him to, or else there would be an earthquake...

-I really suck at soccer.

-Hehe, Thuc is eighteen and is legally entitled to dance in public. Maybe. Vodka all round.

-Fall Out Boy are cool AS.

Crikey, that was dangerous!

Just finished watching CSI: MIAMI, and discovered that the guy who raped and murdered a young Georgia tourist in Miami was called...
...
...
...
...hold your breath...
...
...
...
TOM WOODWARD!

Zomg!

Politicking...ugh...

Hey everyone, hope the first week of uni hasn't killed you...

To all of you over 18, the SA state election's coming up in fourteen days, so don't forget, you must be enrolled to vote, and you must vote, or else you face a hefty fine. Yes, voting in Australia is mandatory.
But of course, voting's fun. Why? Because you get to laugh at some of the parties and people, who really can't do anything. The classic example, of course, was Nick Xenophon, the No Pokies Party MP, who has since made it his business to involve himself in electricity shortages, taxation and the air-warfare destroyer contract...surely, unless the Navy has installed pokies on all of their ships, this is overstepping his bounds...but he's able to get away with it, of course, because he's "Mr. X"...
Watch out for Family First, they want you to wear a chastity belt until you're 50.
Watch out for the Greens, they want you to cavort naked through the streets.
And as for the Democrats...who are they???

Put a cork in it, Zane!

Well, uni's back. And it's actually looking interesting! Well done Kel for taking up TWO languages and enjoying French.

As for me, I have Third-Year German, History: Modern France, and English: Festival of Contemporary Writing, which should be very stimulating. I have a billion books to read, but most of them look good!

Today Pat and I had coffee before I had to go to a tute I didn't have, and then I pooled for a while. But I'm very much looking forward to seeing darling Courtney tomorrow! YAY!

Update soonish...